


Not Alone

by alassenya



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-16
Updated: 2011-10-16
Packaged: 2017-10-24 16:17:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alassenya/pseuds/alassenya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coda for 2.03.  Danny's thoughts while the team is in the ops room, watching the monitors.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Alone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/262969) by [mohinikapuahi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mohinikapuahi/pseuds/mohinikapuahi). 



> This is a companion piece to [Alone](http://archiveofourown.org/works/262969) by [mohinikapuahi](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mohinikapuahi/pseuds/mohinikapuahi), which you should read first. Thanks (and hugs) to Lolokoa and Alohawombat for helpful input.

Danny stood with the others and tried not to fidget. He was tired, he was cranky, and he really could have done without this team excursion to watch a live operation, but Commander Gutches had offered and Steve had insisted, so here he was, inside a classified operations room at Pearl, watching US forces take down a drug cartel in some unidentified South American country. He was nervous, as well - all those access-controlled doors and people in uniform - and maybe he'd been a little facetious with the Beatles references, but that didn't mean he didn't respect what these guys were doing; what Steve had been doing up until a year ago.

He didn't have to be told that these guys put their lives on the line every day for civilians like him. He knew that, just as he knew how much Steve was hurting. He wished that there was more he could do, but the facts were firstly, that there really wasn’t much he could actually do for Steve right now, and secondly, that he didn't have the emotional strength to do more.

These last few weeks had been tough on all of them. Danny had been spun around so many times, pulled in so many different directions, that he hardly knew whether he was coming or going. What with Steve's arrest, Kono's arrest, Chin's defection, Rachel blowing hot and cold, and then Steve's escape and injury ... his brain felt like it was about to go into full nuclear meltdown. How much could any one man be expected to cope with before he exploded? How much longer could he hold on to his temper before grabbing Steve and punching him until he saw sense? - or dragging him up the stairs and fucking him until they were both exhausted? Either would do, just to get some catharsis, some relief from the emotional pressure they were both experiencing, but Danny knew he couldn't risk it.

Lori stirred on his left, but he ignored her. He'd tried to be polite but the atmosphere in Five-0 had been a whole lot chillier and less comfortable since she joined them. It wasn't that she was incompetent, just petty and small-minded. He knew the type - a self-promoter, always on the lookout for the next step up; the next tick in the box; the bigger, better deal. She was there because it was earning points with the governor, and she'd trade them in for a better position just as soon as she saw an opportunity. For all their sakes, he hoped one turned up very soon, because every time he saw her, his blood pressure got just a little bit higher.

It should have been Kono next to him. Not that he actually wanted Kono there, because this stuff would be distressing. All right, she was a cop and she'd seen death before, but she was still a rookie and very young, and she hadn't seen that much all at once, and besides, all her experience had been in the heat of the moment, with adrenaline providing a buffer. He didn't want her to be standing here, watching troops systematically mow down man after man in cold blood, because he knew it would affect her badly. But he wanted her back with them, back on the team, and that wasn't going to happen while she remained under a cloud ... or, rather, undercover.

Yeah, undercover. Did Steve think he was stupid? Seriously? After twelve months of working with him and seeing him practically every day, working or not, Danny knew Steve; he knew how he thought, and he knew how he looked after his team. Steve wouldn't let a direct order from the governor stop him from making every effort to see Kono regularly and making sure she was all right. The fact that he had ignored her existence for the last fortnight was a dead giveaway that something else was going on, and it didn't take Einstein to work out what that something else was. Chin would have worked it out too, if he hadn't been so emotionally hampered by his own past, and Danny would love to set him straight, but he understood that Chin's worry was actually bolstering her cover, so he was just going to have to wear it for the moment. They'd sort it out later, and Chin would be pissed, but he'd come around.

He looked at Steve, standing just in front of him, and cleared his throat. He almost smiled when he saw Steve almost turn towards him, hand twitching as if it was about to reach out and touch him, just to make sure he was there. It was unconscious now, the way each of them tried to keep track of the other's movements, making sure that if anything happened they could move together and not get in each other's way. It was instinctive and natural and yes, Danny did know what it signified, and if it weren't for the fact that Steve was still in the US Navy, albeit the reserve, he'd have made damn sure that Steve knew as well. As it was, he wasn't quite sure if Steve really understood what had developed between them or was still living in blissful denial. It was something he was going to have to address soon, but not right now, not when he was so close to losing control himself.

The action on the screens intensified, and Danny watched it for a few minutes, his frown deepening. How the hell had Steve done this for month after month, year after year? If this was honestly what he was doing, the wonder wasn't so much that he was screwed up, but that he actually functioned at all.

He thought about that for a moment, and then thought about the days that Steve turned up to work with red-rimmed eyes; the mornings when he looked like he hadn't slept for weeks; and he wondered how many nights were interrupted with nightmares and flashbacks and visitations from the dead. More than a few, that was certain.

"You do this stuff?" he whispered, just to be sure, though he already knew the answer.

"I can neither confirm nor deny."

Oh, and wasn't that just a typical bullshit Steve answer. Danny rolled his eyes and drew back to give him a punch, but then realised it probably wasn't the best thing to do in a room full of trained killers. It didn't stop him seeing the tiny flinch that Steve gave, though, and he felt a pang in his heart at the thought that he'd hurt Steve, even slightly.

He sighed, and for the remainder of the operation he just stood there, close but not touching, aware and alert. He could almost feel Steve putting up barriers, building a shell that would isolate him from everything close that might hurt him. He probably thought he was doing the team a favour, but Danny knew better. He'd seen PTSD in colleagues before. He knew what happened when people cut themselves off emotionally - it helped in the short term, but it seriously fucked up their judgement and their relationships in the long run. He wasn't going to let that happen. Five-O was ohana. They looked after each other, and if LtCdr Steve I-don't-need-anyone McGarrett thought he could cut himself off from everyone around him, Danny was going to show him he was wrong.

Steve was not alone.


End file.
